Soul Renovatus

This is always the time that stinks.

Waiting to see what the next chapter beholds. Or I think my wife put it more accurately, "We're starting a new book, not a new chapter."

I had 2 good opportunities for roles I thought I would at least make to the final stage in. I didn't make it to the final stage in one, and I didn't even get called to interview for the other. I'm not sure what to make of it.

Granted, we have limited ourselves by saying we're staying in the Grand Rapids area. There have been tremendous opportunities all over the country that would be pretty sweet. But we have committed to Grand Rapids for many reasons.

It's not worth going into the story now, but we didn't move to Grand Rapids because of my vocation, and we made a decision that we would never move because of my vocation. We wanted a place where we could put down roots for once, without the threat of being fired, without the uncertainty year to year if a church wanted to keep me, without the uncertainty that we would have to start over…AGAIN. This was the major decision we made when moving to Grand Rapids.

Now, sitting with a Masters of Divinity, comes the haunting reality that something substantial must come my way soon, and that it's in Grand Rapids. A hard bargain to find indeed. But we are certain about our decision. There are too many circumstances which are keeping us here. And quite frankly, we don't want to leave. As it was when we sensed God calling us to this city, we would have to see the same type of crazy events unfold if we were to try to move away from this place. I hear many people who tell me, "You're so gifted…surely God has a place for you." I believe that in theory, but at this point, it's truly hard to believe. This is the valley right now. I don't doubt my gifts at all. In fact, I feel more confident than ever in them. I am praying and hoping that someone else believes in them too, and that it's something I can exercise while living in Grand Rapids.

I've been away most of this month with Group Workcamps as an MC/Worship Leader. I feel most at home here. It's probably one of the few moments where I feel I exercise many of my gifts to the best of my ability. I see God do things through me that are impossible on my own. It's continued confirmation that I'm wired to be this particular kind of person. SO the question becomes is how this will pan out.

What excites me most is that we have lived in one place for 5 years. It is sadly the longest time we have ever spent in one place. We're starting to put down roots, and yet I still sit in the awkward place of wondering whether someone wants me vocationally. Blame it on my own choices geographically. I get offers from friends (and keep sending them) all the time from all over the place, but I know that God is NOT done with us here in Grand Rapids.

That is the only thing I know. I am trusting that God will help us discern what's next.

I have to…

…what else is left?